Confronting in Coaching Supervision: Practical Advice and Approaches

For many supervisors (including myself), the confronting approach doesn’t come easily – or it isn’t a comfortable place to stand. This may be because supervision

often emphasises safety, validation, and support – so the idea of “confronting” can feel like a disruption to the nurturing environment we strive to create. It can stir up fears of being too direct or of damaging the relational trust.

Much of this discomfort stems from the meaning we attach to the word “confronting” shaped by our personal, cultural, and professional experiences. Forsome, it brings to mind conflict or criticism. For others, it signals courage, clarity, and care. Becoming aware of these associations is a vital step toward developing the confidence and discernment to use this approach skilfully, as part of a wider reflective toolkit.

Heron’s confronting intervention is used to gently challenge a supervisee’s blind spots, inconsistencies, or avoidance. It’s not about being aggressive, but rather offering direct and constructive feedback that prompts reflection and awareness.

Here are examples of confronting questions in a supervision context:

Confronting Blind Spots or Incongruence

• “You say you were fully present, but you also mentioned checking the time repeatedly – how do you make sense of that?”
• “You describe the client as difficult, yet you haven’t explored how you might be contributing to that dynamic. What do you think your part might be?”
• “You speak about empowering the client, but I notice you gave quite a lot of advice – can we explore that?”

Challenging Avoidance or Evasion

• “You’ve mentioned this client several times, but we always move on quickly – is there something uncomfortable about staying with this topic?”
• “What are you not saying about how this session impacted you?”
• “You seem to be protecting the client a lot – what are you protecting them from?”

Highlighting Patterns or Repetition

• “This is the third client you’ve described as ‘draining’ – what might be happening in the way you’re showing up in these relationships?”
• “I’m hearing a recurring theme of rescuing clients – is that a familiar role for you?”

Pointing Out Ethical or Relational Tensions

• “You said the client didn’t want to explore a topic, but you went there anyway. How do you feel about that now?”
• “How do you reconcile continuing to coach this client when you’re questioning the contract’s appropriateness?”

Framing the Confrontation Constructively

To maintain a reflective and supportive tone, you might preface or follow up the confrontation with statements like:

• “Can I offer a perspective that might feel a little challenging?”
• “Would it be okay if I share something I’m noticing that may feel uncomfortable?”
• “Let’s explore this together — I’m offering it not as a criticism, but as an invitation to reflect.”

As a reminder that courage often leads the way in supervision, consider this:

Brave questions invite brave answers.

Encourage courage through our own modelling.

A Closing Reflection

Confronting is not about being combative – it’s about being courageous and compassionate enough to say what needs to be said, in service of the supervisee’s growth. As supervisors, our work is to hold up a mirror with kindness and clarity, even when the reflection is uncomfortable.

Take a moment to reflect on your own relationship with the word confronting. What does it bring up for you? What stories or meanings have you attached to it?

Use the questions in this article not as a script, but as inspiration—sparks for deeper presence, honesty, and alignment in your supervision practice. When done with care, confronting can be one of the most liberating and transformative gifts we offer our supervisees.