Coaching Supervision and the Elephant in the Room

In coaching supervision, we explore the seen and unseen, the spoken and unspoken. 

Yet, in many supervision sessions, there’s an elephant in the room—a significant issue or feeling that is present but remains unacknowledged. 

It might be an unspoken tension between coach and client, a hidden ethical dilemma, a supervisee’s self-doubt, or even a dynamic within the supervision space itself.

The challenge with elephants is that they don’t go away simply because we ignore them. Instead, they take up space, disrupt clarity, and limit the depth of reflection. 

Effective supervision requires the courage to name these elephants, creating an environment where difficult topics can be surfaced, explored, and understood.

In this article, we’ll examine how elephants emerge in coaching supervision, why they go unspoken, and how supervisors can skillfully bring them into the conversation to foster growth, insight, and ethical practice.

What Are the Elephants in Coaching Supervision?

An “elephant in the room” is an issue that is felt but not explicitly named. These unspoken truths can appear in multiple ways:

1. The Coach’s Unspoken Challenges (Eye 4 – The Coach’s Experience)

A coach may struggle with self-doubt but feel unable to admit it in supervision.

A supervisee might feel disconnected from their coaching work but avoid addressing it.

The coach may have a strong emotional reaction to a client but suppress it for fear of judgment.

2. The Client’s Hidden Story (Eye 1 – The Client’s Experience)

The coach may sense a deeper issue in their client’s narrative but feel hesitant to explore it.

A client’s resistance may be rooted in something left unspoken—trauma, fear, or external pressures.

The coach may avoid addressing power dynamics or cultural influences that shape the client’s experience.

3. Ethical and Contractual Grey Areas (Eye 2 – The Coaching Process)

A coach may bend ethical boundaries under pressure from an organisation but avoid discussing it in supervision.

Confidentiality issues or conflicts of interest might exist but remain unexamined.

The contract between coach and client might have shifted in ways that haven’t been consciously addressed.

4. The Coaching Relationship Itself (Eye 3 – The Coach-Client Relationship)

The coach might over-identify with a client, blurring professional boundaries.

There may be unspoken frustration or disengagement in the coaching relationship.

The client may be avoiding accountability, but the coach hesitates to challenge them.

5. The Supervision Relationship (Eye 5 – The Supervisor-Coach Dynamic)

A supervisee may feel intimidated by their supervisor, making it difficult to be fully open.

Power dynamics in supervision might prevent the coach from challenging the supervisor’s perspective.

The supervisor may sense discomfort in the supervisee but struggle to name it.

Each of these elephants represents something important that, if left unspoken, limits the effectiveness of both coaching and supervision.

Why Do These Elephants Go Unspoken?

Naming an elephant requires courage, trust, and psychological safety. Some reasons why elephants remain unaddressed include:

Fear of judgment: The coach may worry that raising an issue will reflect poorly on their competence.

Power dynamics: A supervisee may feel uncomfortable challenging their supervisor or questioning an organisational norm.

Emotional discomfort: Addressing certain topics—such as personal biases, ethical dilemmas, or relational tensions—can feel too uncomfortable.

Avoidance patterns: Both coach and supervisor may unconsciously collude in staying within the “safe” topics to avoid deeper, more complex issues.

Supervision is most powerful when it creates space for honesty, curiosity, and the courage to address the unspoken.

How to Name the Elephant in Supervision

1. Cultivating Psychological Safety

Before deep issues can be addressed, the supervision space must feel safe. Supervisors can:

Model vulnerability: Share their own learning moments to show that imperfection is part of growth.

Normalise discomfort: Reinforce that supervision is a place where all experiences, doubts, and tensions can be explored.

Use invitational language: Instead of saying “I think you’re avoiding something,” try “I wonder if there’s something we haven’t spoken about yet?”

2. Using Reflective Questions to Surface the Unspoken

Asking the right questions can help bring elephants into the conversation:

• What’s not being said here?
• If there was an elephant in the room, what might it be?
• What are you hesitating to bring to supervision?
• If you had complete freedom to speak, what would you say?

These questions create permission and curiosity, allowing supervisees to explore what’s holding them back.

3. Addressing Parallel Processes (Eye 6 – The Supervisor’s Experience of the Coach)

Often, the elephant in the room exists not just in coaching but in the supervision space itself. Supervisors can ask:

• Is the discomfort I feel in this session mirroring something in my supervisee’s coaching relationships?
• Am I avoiding a topic because I sense resistance from the supervisee?
• How can I model courageous conversation by naming this gently and inviting discussion?

Supervisors who listen to their own internal reactions can often detect unspoken themes and surface them in a way that feels natural and constructive.

4. Systemic Awareness: Naming the Bigger Picture (Eye 7 – The Wider System)

Some elephants stem from wider systemic issues—organisational expectations, cultural norms, or external pressures. Supervisors can help coaches explore:

• How might workplace culture be shaping this coaching dynamic?
• Are there systemic inequalities influencing this situation?
• Is there an unspoken expectation from stakeholders that is limiting the coaching process?

By widening the lens, supervisors help coaches contextualise their challenges, making it easier to address them.

Conclusion: Making Supervision a Space for Brave Conversations

The elephant in the room doesn’t disappear when ignored—it lingers, constraining the depth and impact of supervision. 

The best supervision isn’t about avoiding discomfort; it’s about creating a space where difficult truths can be explored with care, curiosity, and courage.

Supervisors who embrace this approach foster richer learning, greater self-awareness, and more meaningful growth—for both coach and client.