Breaking the Silence: Confronting Fear and Shame in Coaching Supervision

shame in coaching

Fear and shame in coaching can be powerful forces affecting the outcomes of the coaching.

These emotions are often experienced quietly, beneath the surface, affecting both the coach’s and client’s ability to fully engage in the process. 

But what’s more surprising is how often these emotions show up within the supervision space, influencing which topics coaches bring forward for exploration.

Research shows that many coaches avoid discussing their most challenging or pressing concerns in supervision. Instead, they choose to play it safe, preferring to explore “easier” topics. 

This avoidance is often rooted in feelings of shame or fear—fear of being judged, fear of exposing vulnerabilities, or fear of confronting deeper anxieties within their practice.

Supervision provides a safe and supportive environment where these hidden emotions can be acknowledged and worked through. 

It seeks to uncover not only what’s being discussed in the room but also what’s left unsaid—helping coaches confront and manage the deeper emotional forces that shape their work.

The Hidden Power of Fear and Shame in Coaching

Shame and fear are universal human emotions, but they are often avoided or suppressed, particularly in professional settings. 

In coaching, these feelings can be triggered when a coach doubts their abilities, fears they have failed a client, or feels vulnerable in the face of a difficult situation. 

While these emotions are natural, they often go unaddressed, lingering beneath the surface and affecting the coach’s performance, confidence, and decision-making.

Some examples of how shame and fear might manifest for a coach include:

Doubting competence

A coach might feel inadequate after a difficult session, fearing they didn’t help the client enough or that they made a mistake. Instead of bringing this to supervision, they may avoid the topic, ashamed of their perceived failure.

Fear of judgment

Coaches might fear that bringing certain topics to supervision will expose them as unskilled or unprofessional. Rather than risk judgment, they choose to focus on less sensitive areas.

Avoidance of conflict

When dealing with a challenging client or a difficult ethical dilemma, coaches might shy away from addressing these situations in supervision, avoiding the potential embarrassment of admitting they don’t have the answers.

These emotions create a barrier, preventing coaches from exploring the most critical aspects of their practice. But by keeping these feelings hidden, coaches miss the opportunity to grow and develop more effective approaches to their work.

What’s Not Being Talked About?

One of the key aims of supervision is to create a space where both what is being said and what is not being said can be explored. 

When a coach comes to supervision, they often bring up topics that feel safe, avoiding the deeper, more uncomfortable emotions like shame and fear. The supervisor’s role is to gently probe beneath the surface, noticing the absences in the conversation.

A skilled supervisor might ask:

  • What are you not bringing to this session?
  • Is there something you’ve been avoiding talking about in your coaching?
  • What’s the toughest part of your current coaching relationship, and why haven’t we discussed it yet?

These questions encourage coaches to look at the unspoken emotions, fears, or concerns they may be withholding. Once these hidden elements are brought into the light, the coach can begin to address the deeper issues impacting their work.

shame in coaching

Eye 4: Exploring the Coach’s Experience of Fear and Shame

Eye 4 in the 7-Eyed Model focuses on the coach’s internal experience, making it the perfect lens for examining how shame and fear show up in coaching. In supervision, the coach is invited to reflect on the emotions they experience but may be reluctant to talk about. 

Questions like:

  • What aspects of your coaching work make you feel most vulnerable?
  • Where are you afraid of being judged or found lacking?
  • What might you be avoiding because it brings up feelings of shame or embarrassment?

By working through these questions, the coach can gain a clearer understanding of how shame and fear might be influencing their approach to coaching. 

These emotions, if left unaddressed, can undermine the coach’s confidence and effectiveness. Supervision offers a space to confront these feelings and process them constructively.

Eye 1: The Client’s Fear and Shame

Shame and fear aren’t exclusive to the coach—they also show up in the client’s experience, under Eye 1 of the 7-Eyed Model. 

Clients, too, bring hidden fears and vulnerabilities to the coaching process, often avoiding the deeper emotional work that might be necessary for real growth.

For example:

  • Fear of failure: A client might set modest goals or avoid ambitious projects out of fear that they will fail and be exposed as inadequate.
  • Shame about past experiences: A client may hold back from discussing personal failures or embarrassing moments, fearing judgment from the coach or themselves.
  • Avoidance of vulnerability: Some clients may never fully engage in coaching, avoiding topics that would require them to confront uncomfortable emotions like shame or fear.

Supervision helps the coach recognise these patterns in their clients. By becoming aware of the client’s unspoken fears, the coach can adjust their approach, gently encouraging the client to step into deeper self-reflection and growth.

Eye 3: The Relationship Between Coach and Client

The dynamic between coach and client can also be influenced by shame and fear, creating a relational shadow under Eye 3 of the 7-Eyed Model. 

A coach may be reluctant to challenge a client too directly out of fear of damaging the relationship, or the client may avoid certain conversations because they are afraid of judgment. 

This mutual avoidance can prevent both parties from engaging in the deeper, more transformative work that coaching can offer.

In supervision, the coach is encouraged to explore:

  • Am I holding back in my coaching sessions because I’m afraid of how my client will react?
  • Is the client avoiding important topics, and am I letting them avoid these areas because of my own discomfort?
  • What could happen if we explored the more difficult conversations?

By addressing these questions, the coach can uncover where shame and fear might be influencing the coaching relationship. 

Once these relational shadows are identified, the coach can work to create a more open, honest dialogue with the client, allowing for deeper growth.

Eye 5: Shame and Fear in the Supervision Relationship

Eye 5 addresses the relationship between the coach and supervisor, and it’s important to acknowledge that shame and fear can show up here as well. 

A coach might feel embarrassed about bringing certain topics to supervision, fearing they will be judged or seen as incompetent. Similarly, a supervisor might hesitate to challenge the coach too deeply, fearing they will damage the trust in their relationship.

Parallel processes can emerge, where the same avoidance patterns present in the coach-client relationship show up in supervision. 

The supervisor’s role is to create a space where the coach feels safe to explore their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. 

By addressing shame and fear within the supervision relationship, both coach and supervisor can engage in more honest, open dialogue that allows for greater learning and development.

Conclusion: Transforming Fear and Shame in Coaching

Shame and fear are natural emotions, but when left unaddressed, they can hold coaches back from fully exploring the deeper challenges in their work. 

By avoiding topics that bring up these feelings, coaches limit their own growth and miss the opportunity to develop new approaches that could make them more effective.

Supervision offers a safe, supportive environment where coaches can confront these emotions. Through reflective dialogue, supervision seeks to uncover what’s not being talked about, bringing these hidden concerns into the open. 

By addressing shame and fear head-on, both coach and client can engage in more authentic, transformative conversations that lead to deeper personal and professional growth.

Ultimately, the ability to explore and transform these emotions is what allows coaches to step into their full potential, offering their clients a richer, more impactful coaching experience.

Picture of Nick Bolton

Nick Bolton

Nick is the founder and CEO of the International Centre for Coaching Supervision and Animas Centre for Coaching. Along with his love of coaching and supervision, he is a a passionate learner with a fascination for philosophy, psychology and sociology.

Ways to Find Out More About Becoming a Coaching Supervisor

🎓 Learn About our Coaching Supervision Training

If you would like to discover more about coaching supervision training, why not explore our Accredited Diploma in Coaching Supervision.

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Or if you want to learn more about becoming a coaching supervisor, download our comprehensive Coaching Supervisor Discovery Pack that includes. 

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📝 A self-assessment to gauge your readiness
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If you’re ready to begin your journey to becoming a coaching supervisor, book a call with our course consultant and explore any questions you have.

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